so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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