Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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