i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
