I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
