I want to have your abortion
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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