He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
