And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
