This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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