Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Verdict: uncircumcised.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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