Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
