hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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