the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
