Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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