It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
The feeling are messing with the penis
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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