meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
