i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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