ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
