She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
