I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
