Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
