The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
