Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
