So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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