booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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