And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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