Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Randomize
