just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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