And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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