I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
