i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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