sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
You smell like a Billy Joel song
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
