Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
The feeling are messing with the penis
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
