I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
