I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
