THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
my being single is dangerous.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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