Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Fuck appropriateness.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
