My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
