yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
