i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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