That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
