If that was your dad, he is hot
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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