He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
