i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
