This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
