let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
