Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
