We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
