i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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