Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
