We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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