I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
