So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
