have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
