That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
