he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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