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A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I need to sanitize my soul.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
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