What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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