get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
